On a recent flight, I sat next to a businessman in his late 30s. I was busy working on my computer but from the corner of my eye, I could see him peering at the document I was writing.When lunch was served, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat and then pushed himself to speak.If you don't want to be a divorce statistic and are ready for a long-lasting relationship, this book's for you.In today's divorce culture, too many people have stopped trusting their ability to build a loving and lasting marriage.His response was an immediate: "No." Tom went into marriage thinking that since he and his wife got along so well and they were so attracted to each other, this would be enough to carry them throughout life.But when they hit the different stages and challenges of life -- job stress, kids, parents passing away, and illness -- they didn't have a strong enough foundation to make it through.The massive arguments that resulted from that one discussion led to a standstill in their marriage and, eventually, to divorce.
· Are you able to express conflict with the person you're dating? Are you aware of the areas you need to work on in your communication style (this includes both speaking and listening)?
If that's true, why do so many marriages fail?
Far too often, it's because people jump into marriage thinking that the only thing they need to make it work is "the click." Although infatuation does provide a great kick-start to a relationship, it's short lived.
· Does my potential spouse share at least 3 of these values? As opposed to "puppy admiration," true respect means accepting someone and honoring his or her thoughts and feelings. I remember an eye-opening discussion I had with Roy, who consulted with me regarding his ex-wife.
· Does he/she at least respect the ones that are not shared? The word respect actually comes from the Latin word respicere, which means to look at. A young woman once came to speak with me because she was having trouble opening up to her boyfriend. Do I feel that he/she would eventually be able to handle these secrets and accept me with them? When I asked him if they had argued a lot, he replied, "No, we didn't even have one major disagreement." I remember thinking to myself, "Maybe if they'd had it out, they would still be married." Avoidance of conflict is one of the main causes for divorce.