The men that I speak with (and who commented on my last post) lament about being in a "no win situation" in modern dating.
If they follow what society tells them to do, they often end up "good guys" who are taken advantage of, mistreated, and disrespected.
Unfortunately, these qualities are again part of women's double bind, with social norms sometimes guiding them away from these biologically feminine characteristics.
So, until a new equilibrium is reached in these evolving social norms, men have difficult choices to make.
When rewards outweigh punishment, people perform behaviors.
When punishments weight more heavily, people avoid those same behaviors.
Again though, men pursuing this strategy also report the need to stay vigilant for their partner's waning attraction, signs of cheating, and being taken for granted (much as women in "traditional" relationships do).
Overall, they report that there is often little incentive for men to date and even less for them to consider long-term commitments.In a previous article, I put forward the notion that individuals were not "afraid" to date—rather they simply did not have sufficient incentive to do so (see here).We are all motivated to seek out rewards and avoid punishments (Skinner, 1974).In contrast, if men shun social pressures to be "nice" and follow what is biologically attractive, they have a higher likelihood of getting "sex partners".However, these men are often punished by being socially labeled as "jerks", "players", or even "creeps", unfit for socially-defined relationships.As a result, they may be punished by their girlfriend's/wife's lack of sexual interest, being cheated on, or disrespected as a "push over".These men may further be regarded as "just friends"—expected to pay for all of the costs of a relationship, without the physical and intimate benefits (see here).Essentially, they seem to have to either appease social norms (for relationships and acceptance) or evolved standards of attractiveness (and get sexual fulfillment).Furthermore, they do so in a situation where women's own social instruction may reduce the very characteristics that many of these men desire.In fact, many of these men are former virgins and "nice guys" who previously could not get their physical needs addressed.Many of these tactics, however, primarily attract women who are focused on short-term flings with attractive men (see here).