"If you just want to have fun and aren't seeking a committed relationship, one night stands are fine. Though David Steele is no fictional character, his moniker leaves us at a place not far from the truth.The problem is that sex has immediate emotional and physical reactions that result in bonding, so keeping it light and fun can be a challenge."His name makes him sound like a romantic hero. A man who is sensitive -- because don't Davids always tend to be sensitive? As the author of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World, Steele is deeply concerned about issues relating to your -- that's right: your -- love life.In the book you talk about the difficulties that people face in finding their significant someone in a world that is increasingly complex.How have these things manifested themselves as challenges in gaining -- and I guess in keeping -- relationships?While we often focus on having fun in the moment when dating, we need to remember that everything we say and do now will catch up to us down the road. Looking at relationships from the perspective of a coach I had an epiphany: singles become couples.In our consumer-oriented, immediate gratification culture, the above can be challenging! As a therapist it never occurred to me to work with singles.Steele says he wants to help people find "the love of your life and the life that you love." It's a direct and poetic enough message that it makes you want to pay attention.As a relationship therapist for many years, Steele says he found that, too often, couples were coming to him beyond the time there was much anyone could do for them. On consideration, he realized that the time to work with these couples would have been very early on. If, for example, someone had chosen the wrong person for all the wrong reasons, by the time they brought their problems to Steele they were waist deep in a soup that was perhaps based on the wrong recipe.
"The five stages are readiness and attraction for singles; precommitment for new couples; coupling and bliss for committed couples." These five stages cover the complexities of dating and relationships in an almost startlingly simple way.In my seminars I like to illustrate this by describing three levels of consciousness. But as a coach it seemed quite logical because we all begin seeking our life partner as singles plus singles are a huge segment of the population and almost all singles want to find their life partner.I knew nothing about how to help singles find their life partner, so I was able to start researching and creating with fresh eyes.At 48, Steele lives in Campbell, California, near San Jose.In addition to helping people find and keep the "love of their life," he is currently working on a book for life partners called, appropriately enough, Partners in Life. Richards: So there's dating, and then there's conscious dating. David Steele: Conscious dating means to date with conscious intention about who you are, what you want and how to get what you want. I was in private practice as a marriage and family therapist specializing working with couples for many years."This is a dramatic shift from past generations who were quite satisfied surviving and achieving some measure of comfort and security for their family.The need for happiness sounds very simple and innocent, but it's the primary reason for failed relationships today." So what's the secret?We've trained over 500 coaches and therapists in our model of coaching singles and couples and over 5000 have taken our introductory trainings.In growing Relationship Coaching Institute I didn't want to simply "sell" training.To be "conscious" means to be aware of your life vision, purpose, relationship requirements, needs and wants, mindful that "you don't know what you don't know," so you keep an open mind, take your time and are as honest with yourself and others as possible. I wanted to make a real impact on the divorce rate, which was not happening working with couples in trouble."Intention" means to make your choices mindful of their long-term consequences. I discovered life coaching in 1996 and became excited applying coaching to relationships.