But after a few months, you end up seeing other sides of each other. That’s a good sign at least, but there’s still plenty you don’t know about him.
You don’t know what triggers his drinking or what his follow-through is like in general.
You said you’ve met recently, so I would imagine there’s plenty that you don’t know about each other.
I am all for seeing the best in people and believing that people can improve, but you said it yourself: You’re not sure if you would want to stick around if he relapses.
I feel kind of heartless writing that, but I’m thinking in terms of what I would tell my closest female friends or my sister if they asked me what you asked me.
There’s nothing wrong with being a supportive friend to him while he figures out his alcohol addiction.
Is there something I should be talking to him about?
Are there questions I should ask him about his recovery his sobriety? Personally, I would do what you are doing -- educate yourself about the disease so you can then make an informed decision as to whether you want to be involved with a recovering alcoholic or not. I think captain's suggestion of attending an open AA meeting or alanon is a great one as well.
But you’re at a crossroads and from what you said in your question, it sounds like the best thing for both of you would be to not start up a relationship.I am fortunate to say that I have never battled with an alcohol addiction, but I have to imagine that truly addressing that issue is very emotionally, psychologically and mentally intense.If he has that on his plate to deal with, I don’t think that this is the right time for him to start a new relationship either.Unfortunately, as with many addictions, not all recovery attempts have a happy ending attached.If you’re uncertain at this point whether or not you would want to be there in the worst case scenario, this might be a good point to decide against being in a relationship with him before things get deeper.In the meantime, I’d say hold off on starting an “official” relationship for both your sakes.I recently met a recovering alcoholic (2 years sober).Most of my friends are recovered alcoholics with ten plus years of sobriety, most with 20 years.I have also dated a "sober" alcoholic that was anything but (sober) and it was the most painful relationship I have ever been in. He will give you all the information you need to know, if you watch closely, but do keep a weather eye and pay attention to how he acts while he's driving. Does he take personal responsibility for his "life" and well being or are his problem caused by others? Is he well liked and popular in the meetings you attend with him?I can say this much: When you date someone, you date all of them.In the beginning, when it’s all sunshine and sweetness it’s easy to fall for them and expect things to always be that way. In terms of dating an alcoholic, you at least know upfront that he has had a problem with alcohol and he’s taking steps to deal with it.